the vial putrid

earlier this week, i saw myself in a mirror.

i looked homeless and filthy.

embarrassment led me to a bathtub, where i scrubbed down and even washed my hair. afterward, i slept for days and accomplished nothing. i wasted time and didn't meet anyone new. i haven't had many expectations lately but maybe i should make some.

1 fall into a routine of personal hygiene.
2 fall into a routine of regular sleep patterns
3 organize freetime better
4 fall out of the routine of self-loathing and self-deprecation.
5 stop being negative and celebrate what little there is to celebrate
6 stop drinking
7 go bananas
8 watch television
9 finance a car and
10 drive around the city so everyone can see my brand new car
11 consummate a list of unlimited desires
12 donate blood and seed

i will start collecting hair samples of everyone i know, so as to gather their dna. i will keep this biological information in my dna box, a small kit lined with green felt that i tuck underneath my bed everynight. yes, i have a dna box, and i need your important strands of life contained within it. should something terrible happen to you, at least i will have that. some loose blueprint. i could make a clone, commission a scientist to do just that. if you need my seed, i will lend my seed. should a harlot be needed, so will i buy one.

me and your shadow out to lunch and we share a sandwich together. there's no spark in your eye anymore shadow though you're very much alive and breathing. we could try again. with each incantation do you grow more distant. at first you were deformed, but with every successive instance of yourself do you appear more beautiful and lifelike. nevermind me hung up on a shadow's face.



i have no idea what any of this means. bedtime. zing!